I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
