I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
