This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize