she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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