I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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