I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
