I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
