i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
