He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Then you guys just all showered together...?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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