im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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