Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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