i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i used baking grease as lip gloss
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
