if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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