Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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