god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
