chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
