..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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