and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
