Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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