people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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