When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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