My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
