i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
