his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
