Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
don't judge my taste in strippers
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