I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
