Soap is not a condiment
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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