can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
