I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
