This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
