I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize