i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
