is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
