You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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