the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Still dying that you shit outside
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
