I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
