better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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