Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
