I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
