I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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