girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
