Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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