I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
