I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
