i just wanna soil my oats bro
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
