the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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