I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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