not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
