So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize