youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
