I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
