I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
