i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize