people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
