that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
