You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
