How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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