So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He has the fingertips of a God
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
