mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
splinters make it hard to masturbate
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
