We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize