im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
