I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
