Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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