I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the day after is always just damage control
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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