you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He called his prostate his "boner button".
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
