I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
