Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
