YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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