You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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