Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
