marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
