Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
