my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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