Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
