I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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