Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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