I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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