i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
