You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
