no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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