I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
