And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
