HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize