my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
COCAINE IS GR8
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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