this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
