He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
