Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize