Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
