I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
