dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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