How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
