Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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