I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
