I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize