I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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