OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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