fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
