i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I need water and some morals
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize