What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
