hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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