I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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