You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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