I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
