The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
