We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
