This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
