It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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