when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
