So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Green mimosas i think yes
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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