My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
