I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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