I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
