you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
