Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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