Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
