This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize