2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You have to summon your inner elephant
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize