blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
